Monday, December 13, 2010
8 comments on "Decades of Command Economy ♥"
-
I really like your hook. Your body paragraphs can be easily related to your thesis making it very easy for me to understand. In the 2nd sentence 1st paragraph, I think that instead of "some works" you should use "some work" but I'm not sure. Also, in the last paragraph, you suddenly mention the economic spectrum without explaining about it in the beginning or in the end.
-
- This comment has been removed by the author.
-
-
I like the way you use evidence, and quotes. You use as much as evidence/quotes to prove your idea more clearly to the readers. You can do more better by adding time detail. When did Mao creat Red Guard? =). Otherwise, your essay is awesome with full of evidence, well done vee-vee.
-
-
Great TEA (:
The body paragraphs are clear, and there are good evidences. The first and last paragraphs are captivating.
I also like the smiley face next to your name (:
~ANna -
-
6:23 PM 1/8 By Lisa (she can't post it with her account): Your essay's ideas are tightly organized based on your thesis which makes it fluent to read and easy to understand. However, your thesis should include what you talk in the body (for ex: a command economy will negatively change the way people view their government because people were denied individual choices by being forced to follow the rules, which creates dissatisfaction) BTW, you have a strong start so you should also back it up with a strong ending. But overall, the essay is great ViVi! P/S: I love how your ah-ma-zing ideas in the essay. <3'In life, it is opinions that matters'
-
-
Thankyou everyone :]
-
-
I like how your transition sentences connected each paragraph together smoothly. Your last sentence in the 3rd paragraph got me thinking and that's true. All your evidence supported your thesis very well. Great ideas ViVi :)
-
-
By Ryan (he can't post it with his account): Your thesis is very strong. I like the evidence that goes with your thesis. Your conclusion is very good. There are some bits i dont understand, because its confusing. But its veryy good.
-
I really like your hook. Your body paragraphs can be easily related to your thesis making it very easy for me to understand. In the 2nd sentence 1st paragraph, I think that instead of "some works" you should use "some work" but I'm not sure. Also, in the last paragraph, you suddenly mention the economic spectrum without explaining about it in the beginning or in the end.
I like the way you use evidence, and quotes. You use as much as evidence/quotes to prove your idea more clearly to the readers. You can do more better by adding time detail. When did Mao creat Red Guard? =). Otherwise, your essay is awesome with full of evidence, well done vee-vee.
Great TEA (:
The body paragraphs are clear, and there are good evidences. The first and last paragraphs are captivating.
I also like the smiley face next to your name (:
~ANna
6:23 PM 1/8 By Lisa (she can't post it with her account): Your essay's ideas are tightly organized based on your thesis which makes it fluent to read and easy to understand. However, your thesis should include what you talk in the body (for ex: a command economy will negatively change the way people view their government because people were denied individual choices by being forced to follow the rules, which creates dissatisfaction) BTW, you have a strong start so you should also back it up with a strong ending. But overall, the essay is great ViVi! P/S: I love how your ah-ma-zing ideas in the essay. <3'In life, it is opinions that matters'
Thankyou everyone :]
I like how your transition sentences connected each paragraph together smoothly. Your last sentence in the 3rd paragraph got me thinking and that's true. All your evidence supported your thesis very well. Great ideas ViVi :)
By Ryan (he can't post it with his account): Your thesis is very strong. I like the evidence that goes with your thesis. Your conclusion is very good. There are some bits i dont understand, because its confusing. But its veryy good.